Bungee Jumpers

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second,

 "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping
service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and
buy everything they'll need -- tower, elastic cord, insurance, etc....
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up in the square. As they are
constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more
people gather to watch them at work.

After they have everything ready, they decide to give the crowd a
demonstration. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but
when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and
scratches.  Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able to catch him, and he
falls again, bounces and comes back up again.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him.
The first guy falls again and bounces back up.  This time, he comes back
pretty messed up -- he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost
unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says,

"What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guy replies, "No, the
cord was fine... what the heck is a pinata?"
 
 

The pig with a wooden leg.

Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he asked, "Fred, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?"

"Well, Michael, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!"

"And the boar tore up his leg?"

"No, he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and 'fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the
barn and saved 'em all!"

"So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?"

"No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out 'fore I drownded. Sure did save my life."

"And that was when he hurt his leg?"

"Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too."

"OK, Fred. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?"

"Well", the farmer tells him, "A pig like that, you don't want to eat all at once."
 

Does Your Dog Bite?

There was a guy who went to a yard sale and there was a dog there.
 He asked, "Does your dog bite? The man said, "No."

As the guy reached down to pet the dog, the dog clamped onto his arm.
The man then pried the dog's jaws loose from his arm,
looked up at the man and said, "You said, your dog doesn't bite."

To which the man replied, "That's not my dog!
 

Jail Sentence?

One night a woman wakes up from sleep and hears her husband crying downstairs in the den.  The woman gets up and goes down stairs to see what is wrong with her husband.  The woman says to her husband why are you crying like this.  The husband replies and says remember when we were dating and you had gotten pregnant, and the wife says yes, but why are you crying like this.  The husband said your father had come to talk to
me and said you will either marry my daughter or you will be in jail for twenty years.
The wife say's so what is wrong, and the husband say's I would have gotten out of jail today.
 

The Parrot

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot
said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly
ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so
ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store
manager replied profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said,"Yes?" The bird said, "You know."

Dead Ex

This guy is standing in the cemetary in front of a grave & he's crying out loud "Why'd you have to die!  Why'd you have to die? This other guy walks over to him & says "Is that your wife buried there? And the guy says " No, my wife's first husband!
 

Mushrooms?

This guy is standing in front of 3 graves crying. Another guy walks over & says who's buried here? The first guy says these were my 3 wives. The other guy says how did they die? The first guy points to a grave & says this one died from eating poison mushrooms.  Then he points to the second grave & says this one also died from eating poison mushrooms. The other guy points to the third grave & says how did that one die? He tells him...Oh, she died from
a fractured skull. The guy asks ...how did she get the fractured skull? And the guy tells him...She wouldn't eat the mushrooms.

Language expert?

A Swiss guy, looking for directions,
pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

 "Entschuldigungsie bitte, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.

 "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
The two continue to stare.

 "Parlare Italiano?"
 No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing.

 The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

 The first American turns to the second and says,
 "Ya' know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."

 "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages,
 and it didn't do him any good."